all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
