If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize