This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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