so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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