She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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