You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
