I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He shit in the fireplace
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
