How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
