Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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