I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
