And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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