I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
