just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
