I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
well most of my day revolves around power hour
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
