there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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