I have demons in me.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize