i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
