wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
