butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
