I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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