Do you still have your period?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
