Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
