Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
