Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize