can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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