Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
