his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
If its not for food we ain't going out.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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