i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
