my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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