i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
My ATM looks so different sober.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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