I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
