his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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