Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
