They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
3pm strippers are depressing
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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