You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
