I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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