I just made out with a guy for $7.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
