I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
