Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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