my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
where are my eyebrows?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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