Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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