Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
please come you make the beer taste better
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize
