this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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