Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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