So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
