may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
