it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
she told me i tasted like america
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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