FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
