i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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