Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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