My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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