I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize