This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
