he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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