I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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