my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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