oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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