He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
