You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
