Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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