If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
