How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
