There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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