I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
