I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
