I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
