After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
