What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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