i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
