I wish I could punch you in the face.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize