I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
