Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Randomize
