I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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