we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
