i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
