No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
