It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
