I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
