i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
